God knows...

I have been praying that God would put a women in my path that can relate to my loss and IF in real life... I want something real, tangible, not just words on the screen anymore.. I wanted to look into the eyes of a women and relate to her and not feel alone.

I have been praying for this women for years, since I started ttc #2.. as I pray for her I always pictured her to be around 30, with 2nd IF... maybe we could become great friends and we could cry together, pray to together maybe even have babies together..

At play group on Monday, I chatted up a older lady, who was there with her grandson. We recognized each other from Church and had some common ground... she was talking about her grandson and how he has Leukemia... and 3 years of chemo treatment still left to do. She mentioned to me her daughter lost a baby at 4months on top of her son having Leukemia, but got pregnant again and has a baby girl now... She was so heart warming and loving as she talked about these great sufferings in her family, she seemed peaceful and I could see Jesus in her.

I felt safe that I could open my heart and share about my life..

Well guess what, this grandmother had IF too! She had lost 3 babies, but God blessed her with 4 wonderful daughters. It took her 4years to have each of her daughters... we talked about the longing to want more children, and loss... it re-fueled my heart, and put hope back in it!

This women I have been praying for, she isn't my age, in fact she could be my grandmother!

She is full of wisdom, and grace... and truly understands my heart.

No we will not have babies together, but I think I could cry with her as she shares her wisdom... I feel like crying now, at how awesome God is, even when I don't sense Him in my sorrow... Thank you Lord.


I'm CD 1, and its no coincidence... its a new start.